Inspired by Stella’s recent publication, Gore sets out on his most dangerous adventure yet: Being an author!
A letter from the editor:
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. DUN-DUN!
Best,
Cynthia Chastain IV
THE ADVENTURES OF GORE THE CORAGEOUS!
Chapter 1: The Deadly Underwater Dungeon of DOOM!
This story begins as every day of Gore’s life begins, at dawn during karate practice! Gore was mid-swing into his 1000th block of wood when his friend’s burst into his dojo.
“Gore, we need your help,” they scream in unison.
“Then let’s move out.”
Gore puts on sunglasses. A zoomed in wideshot of just his eyes. There’s an explosion in the background.
The journey there was made trivial due to Gore’s leadership and RocksMan’s prior knowledge of the area. So easy, in fact, a baby could have done it. Though, it should be noted that a baby has never made this journey unaided.
Plunging into the depths sees us immediately beset on all sides by man eating fish! Our squishy wizard, All-Rex, gets swarmed and takes a devestating amount of damage. His monocle blurs sadly. A hesitant glint in the eye of one fish keys Gore into the fact that it may have complex ideas about harming others. Gore dashes over to aid All-Rex and save his new fish friend from the dangers of peer pressure. Gore critically nets the fish accosting All-Rex as our scaley druid, Shark-Taggums, sweeps past the other schools of fish gobbling up several morsels with each pass. The warlock, named RocksMan after his cat, reveals his suprising durability with clever uses of bladeward. The devilishly handsome Tin rounds out combat by sweeping his blade through the final fishes that have targeted him.
“Thanks for saving me from those other fish,” says Carlos, “you are my best friend now.”
“Neat. Your thoughts on violence have made me grow and I am a more complex character now,” says Gore.
“Blub blub,” says Shark-Taggums
The next encounter begins with a magic trick from RocksMan wherein he turns into a piece of jewelry and then reforms into a RocksMan, but this time on the other side of a set of metal bars. Everyone is supremely impressed until they see the silhouette of a giant octopus sleuthing towards RocksMan. RocksMan uses magics to turn himself into a pile of rocks fooling the eels that would have surely meant his doom. The ole bait-and-brick, a very on brand move for RocksMan. Shark-Taggums turns into a more singular version of Carlos and begins tanking all of the enemies in the room! All-Rex uses his huge brain to break through the super tough metal bars even though Gore didnt try to do that, not even twice. Tin dashes in and uses his witchcraft to make the eels turn on their octopus overlord. Carlos-Taggums meets a quick end as Normal-Taggums appears and uses their spore filled magics to fend off this underwater onslaught. All-Rex casts a clutch sleep spell on the remaining enemies and the combat is quickly concluded from there. Carlos would have grave opinions concerning the actions taken in this room and that weighs heavily on Gore’s mind. He commits to never revealing this to the passivist piranha.
We then decide to take a small rest before delving deeper into the dungeon. We discover that the next room used to be the living quarters of a necromancer. The center of the room is dominated by a large geometric patter that is obviously used for evil.
“The parallelogram of the hypotenuses here leads me to believe that paleontologist Greg hippopotamus, therefore I have decided to destroy the big evil wizard rune by smudging it a bit with my shoe,” says All-Rex -his monocle gleaming with intelligence.
“Hmmm, yes, I concur,” says Gore. His monocle does no gleaming at all because he does not have one, but it is quite amusing to imagine that he does.
The last, and also the final hurdle of this adventure finds us standing around a three story tall zombie-folk! The zombie-folk, named Akron Master of Underwear and New Balance Shoes, flexes its interior design super powers by sicking an army of cabinets and brooms on us. It is lucky that Tin brought his handy carpenter’s square with him or the evil furniture would have surely killed us all! The zombie-folk ended up being a wizard despite it’s lack of a monocle. One of RocksMan’s favorite Super Laser’s is counterspelled during the fight which gives Taggums the small window they need to save Gore’s life with a fancy druidic super heal! Our heroes are inches from death when… Wait what?!?! Is that Carlos on the top rope with a steel ladder??? Carlos does a triple backflip from the top rope and deals the final death blow on the zombie-folk. After the fight we find many treasures and then we sit down and eat cake and ice cream in celebration of All-Rex’s 7th birthday.
The End
